"For Women Who Live With Veterans"

ROY HELPED ME TO LEARN ABOUT POST-TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER, CO-DEPENDENCY, AND FAMILY LIFE, BUT MOST IMPORTANT, HE TAUGHT ME TO UNDERSTAND THE HARD, BUT NECESSARY, PART OF FINDING, FORGIVING, KNOWING AND LOVING MYSELF. HE LET ME KNOW "YOU'RE SPECIAL"!

HE TAUGHT ME HOW IMPORTANT IT IS TO HAVE COURAGE AND BE ABLE TO TAKE A RISK. BEFORE I WAS REALLY ABLE TO UNDERSTAND ALL HE TAUGHT, HE TRANSFERED TO THE VET CENTER IN MAINE. MANY PEOPLE, ESPECIALLY MYSELF, FOUND IT VERY DIFFICULT TO LET HIM GO. HE TOOK THE RISK, HE MOVED, AND I SURVIVED. I SURVIVED BECAUSE HE TAUGHT ME TO DEPEND ON MYSELF AND ALL THE LESSONS STILL STORED IN MY HEAD.

THIS NEWSLETTER IS PART OF THOSE LESSONS, THE COURAGE TO TAKE A RISK, TO NOW HELP OTHERS LEARN THESE LESSONS, AND TO LET OTHERS KNOW THERE IS HELP FOR WOMEN WHO LIVE WITH VETERANS.

WE NEED TO FIND COUNSELORS WHO CARE, CARE ENOUGH TO LISTEN UNTIL WE CAN ALL LEARN TO CARE ABOUT OURSELVES. THEY NEED TO BE WILLING TO LET US HAVE OUR FEELINGS, BE ANGRY, SAD, AFRAID, HAPPY, OR CONFUSED, TO CRY, TO LEARN TO TRUST, HAVE COURAGE, AND TAKE RISK.

I HAVE LEARNED MANY OF THESE THINGS, BUT I STILL FEEL THE NEED TO TALK. I NEED TO TALK ABOUT THE YEAR MY EX-HUSBAND SPENT IN VIETNAM WHILE I WAS MARRIED TO HIM. THE YEARS AFTER NAM AND NOT KNOWING WHAT PTSD WAS. DIVORCE. MARRYING ANOTHER NAM VET. TRYING TO UNDERSTAND PTSD. STILL TRYING TO UNDERSTAND EMOTIONS. AND MOSTLY REMEMBERING "I'M SPECIAL".

WE NEED TO BAN TOGETHER, FIND GROUPS, LET PEOPLE KNOW WE NEED HELP TOO. THE WAR AFFECTED US, WHETHER WE WERE MARRIED WHILE OUR HUSBAND SERVED OR MARRIED OUR VET LATER. IF THE WAR AFFECTED HIM... IT AFFECTED US TOO!

THIS NEWSLETTER IS TO GET US STARTED, LET US TALK TO EACH OTHER THROUGH THIS NEWSLETTER. TO KEEP IT GOING, WE NEED TO HEAR YOUR STORY, YOUR FEELINGS, THE GOOD THINGS IN YOUR LIFE WITH A VET, OR THE HARD DAILY LIFE OF LIVING WITH A VET, POEMS YOU HAVE READ OR WRITTEN, SONGS THAT MEAN SOMETHING TO YOU,

ANYTHING THAT IS ON YOUR MIND.

IF WE CAN BAN TOGETHER, WE CAN THEN GO TO VET CENTERS, VA'S, FAMILY SERVICES, OR WHERE EVER VETERANS MEET, AND DEMAND TIME FOR CARING COUNSELORS FOR WOMEN, COUNSELORS LIKE ROY DRIVER, WHO WILL TAKE THE TIME TO HELP US LEARN ABOUT OURSELVES.

SCARED, SO SCARED...
TEARS IN MY EYES...
FEAR, FEAR CLOUDING MY THOUGHTS.
I WANT TO RUN...RUN WHERE?
HIS HAND REACHES OUT...

SOMEONE CARES.

MARIE

CONDITIONAL LOVE HOLDING HANDS WITH TWO FINGERS IS LIKE LOVING WITH HALF A HEART I DON'T WANT EITHER BUT I ACCEPT BOTH FRAN STACHKUNAS

WHAT A WONDERFUL IDEA! I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO MY FIRST NEWSLETTER! I WOULD LIKE TO SHARE HOW WE GOT THROUGH 18 MAJOR STORMS (THE SECOND WORST WINTER IN THE LAST 100 YEARS) HERE IN WESTERN PA. BEING SNOWBOUND WITH A PTSD VET ISN'T ALWAYS FUN. THE CONSTANT GLOOM AND SNOW AND ISOLATION WAS GETTING TO US. IF MY HUSBAND CAN'T FIND ENOUGH THINGS THAT HE WANTS TO DO---THEN HIS THOUGHTS ARE ALWAYS BACK IN NAM. I STARTED BY BUYING HIM ACRYLIC PAINTS, BRUSHES, AND CANVAS. WE BOTH ENJOY WATCHING BOB ROSS ON PUBLIC TV AND WERE AMAZED AT THE BEAUTIFUL PAINTINGS HE COULD DO IN 2 HOURS! MY HUSBAND NOW TAPES HIS SHOWS, ADDED ART BOOKS AND MORE AND MORE COLORS AND HE HAS A WONDERFUL TIME LOSING HIMSELF IN HIS ART. THE BEST PART IS, THE PAINTINGS ARE NOT VIETNAM, NIGHTMARES, OR PAIN. THEY ARE "HAPPY LITTLE CLOUDS AND HAPPY TREES". THIS WET ON WET TECHNIQUE HAS CHANGED OUR LIVES --- HE NOW HAS SOMETHING TO DO ON GLOOMY DAYS, THAT HE REALLY ENJOYS. TO ME, ANYTHING THAT CAN TAKE HIS MIND OFF VIETNAM IS WORTH IT'S WEIGHT IN GOLD. I SENT A LETTER TO BOB ROSS THANKING HIM FOR COMING INTO OUR LIVES. THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME SHARE THIS WITH YOU!

SANDY SKILLEN WIFE OF JOE SKILLEN BEAVER FALLS, PA